Dress Up
by ChaoticPeace
Summary: Roy and Ed lose a bet against Hughes and have to pretend to be a couple, a straight couple. And how does Ed react when Roy sees his exgirlfriend again. RoyEd yaoi. T for later chapters.
1. Office Bet

**READ THIS FIRST**

A/N: Edward and Alphonse have gotten their normal bodies back a few months ago. Ed is 15, Al is 14. Edward is of normal height. (Up to Roy's shoulders.) Ed and Roy are _kinda _friends. Well, they're nicer to each other. Barely, though.

**Dress Up**

**Chapter 1 **

Hughes bursts through the office door and practically skips into the room, humming some unknown tune with a huge smile on his face.

"Hey, Hughes, you seem awfully happy. Something happening today?" asks Havoc, eyebrow arched and a cigarette in his mouth. Hayate prances over to Hughes and barks up at him for attention. Hughes complies and bends down to pet his head and scratch behind his ears.

"No, nothing particularly special's going on. But how could I not be happy when I spend everyday with something as absolutely adorable as my precious little princess?" With this said, he reaches into his pocket and whips out at least 7 pictures, holding them in his hand as if they're playing cards. Havoc sweatdrops and _very_ slowly backs away into a far corner of the room, with Breda, Farman and Fury close behind. The only one stupid enough, uh, I mean, kind enough to stick around is Hawkeye, who pauses in her work to glance up at Hughes. She doesn't mind Hughes talking about his daughter, but paperwork is much more important than what sundress Alicia was wearing, or what she did when she was wearing Mommy's high-heeled shoes, or how she sang along to the Barney song on TV. She was trying very calmly and patiently to tell this to Hughes, but soon realized that he was to far off in his 'Alicia Land' to notice. He was saved from being shot at numerous times, however, when Ed and his little brother, Al, walk through the door

Hughes finally notices where he is and sees a very irritated looking Hawkeye with a gun aimed at his head. He chuckles nervously and puts the pictures back into his coat pocket. Havoc, Farman, Breda and Fury step back out of the 'safety corner' to look at their saviors for that round of 'daughter obsessed Hughes' picture show'.

"Hello Edward, Alphonse. Come to give the Colonel your report?" Hawkeye asks, tucking her gun safely back into its holster. Speak of the devil; Roy walks in at that moment, coming to investigate what had caused all the commotion in the once infuriatingly silent office, which is thanks to Hawkeye and her ever-faithful companion, Mr. Gun.

"Naw, Al and I don't have anything to do, so we decided to come here to see if anything exciting was goin' on. Looks like we came just in time to save Hughes from being used as target practice…not that you need any, of course." Ed hastily adds with a grin toward Hawkeye when he sees her give him dirty looks. Pfft, like Hawkeye would need target practice.

"Sorry to disappoint ya, but nothing's happening here. Farman, Breda, Fury and myself just finished up our paperwork and were planning on headin' out to lunch in the cafeteria, if ya wanna join us."

"Ah, we'd love to, but Al and I just ate." He looks over at Hawkeye to see if she had any suggestions to quench their boredom.

She shakes her head. "Sorry, but I can't help you guys find something to do right now. I've still got papers to work on."

Ed looks at the ground in frustration, racking his brain for something, anything. He didn't want to shop; he had just done that for 6 hours straight last week when Winry visited. He didn't want to go to the library and read. As much as he loved to, he didn't have anything to look up, so it would be pointless. Al and him had just come back from a mission the day before so he knew there wasn't one waiting for them. There was just NOTHING to do!

He looked up when he heard a 'give me attention' cough. Roy was standing in the doorway to his office with his infamous smirk on his face.

"I've got an idea. But I won't tell you unless you do me a favor." He said in a singsong voice, advancing a few steps toward them.

Ed narrowed his eyes and scowled, sending Roy his best 'you're a jackass' glare. Roy wasn't fazed, however, and continued to walk forward, stopping only when he was a few feet away from Ed and Al.

"What can we do for you, sir?" Al asks in his sweetest voice, hoping to make up for his brother's rudeness.

Roy's smirk widens and he chuckles softly. Al, seeing Ed tense and clench his fists, automatically places a hand on Ed's shoulder, just in case he decided to lunge at Roy.

Roy opens his mouth to speak, but is cut off by Hawkeye who sighs loudly, showing that she's annoyed by something. Roy looks over at her with his eyebrows raised, wondering what was troubling her. Riza smiles at him and, without a word, points into his office. Roy turns and peeks into his office to find out what she means. Finding nothing, he turns back around to face her and gives her a quizzical look. Riza rolls her eyes in exasperation and says in a stern tone, "Paperwork, sir. You still have paperwork to do."

This time everyone leans over to look into Roy's office. Sure enough, there are two huge mounds of paper sitting hazardously atop his desk.

"Right, I'm going to do those right now, but I was wondering if Ed and Al would like to help me out." Roy turns to look at them hopefully.

Al tilts his head to the side and furrows his brows together in confusion. Ed, at first, has the same expression as his sibling, but then it slowly turns into anger. _"What?"_ Ed hisses out through bared teeth, his fists still clenched and glaring as hard as ever.

"I said, I was wondering if you…"

"I heard what you said, I just can't believe you have the audacity to ask us if _we_ would do _your_ work _for you_. I mean, it's not our fault you're too lazy to do it yourself. And besides, why would Al and I want to do your work for you? What do we get out of it?" Ed says all of this quickly, flailing his arms around and jabbing his fingers at certain points to emphasize things. Now he stands with his arms crossed over his chest and is tapping his foot and the shiny wood floor, making loud thudding noises.

Roy is calm through all of this, watching Ed throw his tantrum with amusement. He waits a few seconds before speaking, making sure that Ed wasn't going to say anything else. "First off, I didn't say I wanted you to do my work _for_ me, I simply asked if you would help me with it. Secondly, you said the two of you had nothing to do, so I figured that that would give you something to do. And lastly, I really need to finish those papers by today and there is now way I'm going to finish them before this evening by myself and I want to go home on time at least once this month. So, Fullmetal, what do you say?"

Ed puts his hands on his hips and looks at the ground, clearly thinking. After a few moments, he looks up and nods. "Alright, if it gives me something to do, then fine. But I'm not doing the majority. We'll split it as evenly as possible between the three of us."

"Um, actually brother, I'm not going to help. I'm still kinda tired from our mission, so I think I'm just gonna hang out in here with Hawkeye and Hughes." Al looks over to Hawkeye to see if his plan is alright, and she nods in agreement.

"Oh, okay." Ed turns and proceeds to Roy's office with Roy right beside him.

"I bet you can't finish all of it in 30 minutes." Says a voice out of nowhere.

Everyone jumps at the suddenness of the voice and looks at Hughes, who is facing Ed and Roy smirking.

"Huh?" both Roy and Ed say, staring at Hughes in puzzlement.

"I said, I bet you can't finish all of it in 30 minutes. Doing paperwork is boring, so I thought that I'd liven it up a bit by giving you guys a time limit. 30 minutes, think you can do it? I bet not."

Roy and Ed look at each other, and then look back at Hughes and grin. "Alright, we accept your challenge. You think that we can't finish it in 30 minutes, and we think we can." Roy sticks his hand out to shake and complete the bet. Ed follows suite, his grin widening.

"I knew you guys couldn't turn down a challenge. But before we shake on it, we have to come up with consequences for loosing. If I loose, I have to do whatever you guys want, and seeing as there's two of you, I'd have to do two things. But if you guys loose, you have to do whatever I want. Deal?" Hughes puts his hand out.

"Deal." Roy says, shaking Hughes' hand.

"Deal." Ed says, shaking Hughes' hand.

"Deal." Hughes says, shaking both of their hands. "Alright then, to the office!" Hughes points his finger at the door and begins marching toward it.

"Hm, this could be very interesting. Wanna go watch?" Havoc asks, looking around at the others. They all look at each other, then shrug and walk into Roy's office. They all find a place to sit while Hughes, Roy and Ed cautiously divide the stacks into about even piles and set them on the floor next to the desk. Then Ed sits at one side of the desk while Roy sits at the other.

"Wait a minute. Colonel, how can Ed do your paperwork? He's not a Colonel." Asks Breda, looking over at Roy skeptically.

"Well, these papers don't have to have my signature or anything like that. They just need a check to show that they've been through here and looked at, or a summary of something that happened. But these are all at least a week old, so Ed hadn't left on his mission yet. He should know enough about them to jot down a few sentences."

Breda nods his head in understanding and moves his attention to Hughes, who is standing in front of them with a wristwatch in his hand. "Everybody ready?" he asks them, and they all nod their heads. "Are the contestants ready?" he asks, turning to face Roy and Ed. They nod, pick up a piece of paper from their stack and ready their pen.

"Then on your marks, get set, GO!"

A/N: Wow, I'm surprised. I thought that that would take me forever. It only took me a few hours. So, what do ya think? Good, bad…silence…uh, cough ok. Anyway, if you like it and want me to keep updating, then please review. But if I don't get any reviews, then I'll just get rid of it. Keep in mind that this is my first fanfic ever and the story came to me out of nowhere one morning while getting ready for school, so that's why it might not be good. But thanks to all of you who read it and even more thanks to those who review. Jaa ne!


	2. This is what you have to do

**Dress Up**

**Chapter 2**

On the word "Go!" Roy and Ed began to furiously scribble on the papers. Everyone watched in astonishment at how fast they were writing. Grab a paper, write, grab a paper, write. Their hands were in constant motion, and the more they wrote, the farther they leaned forward and over the papers. Their teeth were digging into the bottom of their lips and they furrowed their brows, completely focused on the paper in front of them. They were so concentrated on their work, in fact, that they didn't notice when a sheet of paper was blown off of Edward's pile and they still didn't notice when said piece of paper slowly drifted to the floor.

Of course, all the other occupants in the room saw the paper float away, but no one said anything. They looked at each other to silently consult, and quickly agreed to let it pass. They grinned knowingly to themselves and turned their attention back to their current form of entertainment.

_**minutes later**_

"Hurry UP, Fullmetal, we only have 10 minutes left! We're never going to make it if you keep working at that pace!"

"Look, I didn't have to help you in the first place, so just shut up! At least you'll finally finish all these papers that have been sitting on your desk for, what, two weeks?"

"Yes, that's great, but I would like to finish _before _time runs out, which, by the way, is now in 8 minutes."

"You didn't have to agree to Hughes' bet. But because you can't turn down a challenge from anybody, we're in this predicament. This is all your fault!"

"What the hell are you talking about, this isn't my fault! You agreed to the bet too, or is your memory so pathetically small that you can't remember less than half an hour ago?"

" WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL YOU'RE SURPRISED THAT HIS BRAIN, WHICH IS NO BIGGER THAN AN ANT, HASN'T TOTALLY CRUSHED HIM?"

At this, everyone in the room stared at Edward with completely stunned looks on their faces. Even Roy, who had paused in his work at the sudden outburst, stared dumbfounded at Ed, who looked rather embarrassed. After a few moments of awkward silence, Roy hesitantly spoke up. "I didn't say anything like that. Your not even that small anymore."

"Yeah, I know. It's just a reflexive reaction. I'm still in the old habit of yelling when people mention something about small objects." Ed said, his face flushed to the color of his jacket.

"Uh, huh" Roy said, staring.

It was silent for a few more moments, but Roy and Ed quickly sprung back to life when Hughes called out, "5 more minutes!"

The time went by rather quickly, each minute seeming to last only the blink of an eye, but when Hughes sang out, "Time's up!" Roy and Edward dropped their pens unceremoniously onto the desk and flopped their heads down right beside them. Their arms were to sore to really do anything with them, so they just hung limply at their sides, lightly swaying back and forth. When they both finally caught their breaths, they looked up and grinned at each other, for the desk was completely clear of any and all papers.

"We did it, we won the bet!" Edward cried, leaping to his feet and punching the air.

"That's right, we did. Now, what shall we make Hughes do, Edward?"

"Uh, uh, uh, not so fast Roy. What makes you think that you've won? I never officially announced it." Hughes stated and smirked at the two alchemists, who looked adorably confused at that moment, like two little kids who thought that they were gonna get a cookie, but got a carrot instead.

"What are you talking about? Look, there aren't any papers on the desk. We finished in time."

"You're right, Edward, there aren't any papers, _on the desk_, that is. But there is a paper somewhere else."

"What! Where!" Roy and Ed began to frantically look around the room for this so called paper, but found nothing.

"Uh, hum." Hughes said, trying to gain their attention. When both sets of eyes, one black and one gold, were upon him, he merely pointed down.

Said pairs of eyes followed his finger downward, and the faces that used to be "adorably confused" turned to faces that clearly read "No. Fucking. Way. I'm going to kill you."

"You see? You guys shouldn't have assumed that you won, because now you're disappointed. If you would've just waited for the final announcement, then you guys wouldn't be so upset. Oh, well, it doesn't matter now. What matters is that I've won! Now, what should I make the two of you do. Hm, hm ,hmm."

"Now wait just a minute Hughes. We finished _every single paper_ except for one, and we lost? That's not fair!"

"Stop whining, Roy, you sound like a child. And yes, you lost. I said that you had to, and I quote, "finish all of it in 30 minutes." _All_ of it. Yes, you guys did finish the _majority _of it, but I said to finish _all_ of it. Therefore, you lose."

Roy and Ed could only stare with their mouths gaping open.

"Aha! I know what I'll make the two of you do. And remember, no matter what, you have to do it. You agreed. Got it?"

"Yeah, yeah we got it. Just tell us so we can hurry up and get it over with!" Edward spat, crossing his arms and looking away defiantly.

"Okay, but you have to promise not to get angry Well, you can get angry, just no violence."

"Why would we get angry, Hughes, unless it's something really bad?" Roy asked suspiciously while putting on his ignition gloves.

"Uh, well, okay. I'll just come right out and tell. Hey Havoc, could you open the door. I have a feeling I'm gonna need to run."

Havoc nodded, opened the door and stepped aside, making a clear path for Hughes to run for his life.

When Hughes was sure there was nothing in his immediate path, he turned to Roy and Ed and cleared his throat. "You guys have to pretend to be a couple for a whole month. A straight couple, which means that one of you will have to dress up as a girl. And seeing as how Edward's the shortest of the two of you and has the longest hair, I think he should be the girl. Well, any questions. No, Okay then, Bye!" And with that he spun around and darted out the door, leaving two very shell-shocked alchemists behind.

**A/N: I'm so, so, so sorry that it took me so long to update, but I had those SAT type tests for two weeks, then three different essays do, now I have to prepare for this presentation thingy. I know, I'm just making excuses, but I just didn't have any time to write. Anyways, I hope you liked this chapter. I'll try to be quicker writing the next one. Please review! Jaa ne!**


	3. Ed's Harassment

**Dress Up**

**Chapter 3**

"STOP LAUGHING! IT'S NOT FUNNY!" Edward screeched, lunging at Alphonse for probably the 6th time that afternoon. Ever since the "incident", which was what Ed was now calling it, everyone had been snickering and whispering behind his back, even people that hadn't been there. It was obvious that Hughes had been talking.

Alphonse, expecting the attack, moved out of the way of his raging brother. "I'm sorry, Ed. I'll stop laughing. I promise." Al said, raising his hands up in surrender. He took a deep breath to calm himself. Once he had himself under control, he flashed a smile to his brother, who was glaring at him to show that he was serious.

Edward, seeing that Al had really stopped, lowered his raised fist and continued walking down the hallway leading out of the building. Al lowered his hands as well and jogged to catch up with his brother.

They continued walking in silence and were just a few feet from the door when Havoc and Breda turned the corner right in front of them.

"Hey, boss! Why you leaving so early? You don't get off till seven o'clock. It's only…five." Havoc question, looking at his watch to see what time it was.

"He's probably going home to pick out the dress he's gonna wear tomorrow. You knew how women are with their clothing." Breda said, nudging Havoc in his side. Both men looked at each other and started laughing hysterically. Havoc had to lean against the wall for support and Breda actually had tears coming out of his eyes.

Poor Al was trying his best not to laugh, he had promised not to after all. But the picture of Edward in a frilly pink dress and pigtails kept flashing in his mind and, after a futile battle with self control, he clutched his sides and fell to the floor on his knees, laughing so hard he was practically howling.

Ed could only stand and stare at the people that were SUPPOSED to be his friends and the person that WAS his little brother. 'What a bunch of assholes…' He thought. He then walked around the pile of people laughing, crying and gasping for air sprawled on the floor and continued toward his freedom. There was no point in yelling at them. What would they do? Say: 'Gee, I'm sorry. I won't ever do that again. I promise.' Tch, yeah right. They would probably say something along the lines of 'Calm down, little missy. We were just kidding with you. By the way, when are you gonna become Mrs. Mustang? Anytime soon?' then burst into another fit of laughter. It was pointless to freak out, so he decided to just walk away.

Edward sighed as he reached the door and pushed it open, walking through the threshold into the late afternoon sun. What the hell was he going to do? He couldn't just not fulfill his end of the deal. Roy and him knew the consequences of losing when they agreed to do the bet, so now he had to do it. But he didn't have any girl clothing, and he'd be damned if went into a store to buy some! Ed sighed again and began descending the stairs. Halfway down he heard someone call out his name. He stopped and turned to see who it was and saw Al running towards him telling him to wait. He rolled his eyes and started walking down the stairs again, ignoring his brother. He was probably gonna say that he was sorry for laughing and that he would never do it again, just like last time

A few moments later Al had got up with Ed and was now walking beside him. "Ed, please don't be angry. Lighten up and try to see the humor in all of this." Al asked in a sweet voice, smiling at Edward. Ed stopped dead in his tracks and glared daggers at Al. "'Lighten up and try to see the humor?'" Ed repeated, looking at Al like he was insane. "How would you like it if you had to walk around for an entire month dressed as a girl, the whole time acting like one of Mustang's many bimbos? Huh? I don't think you would like it very much!" Ed shouted, stomping past his brother.

Alphonse sighed heavily. There was no sense in trying to reason with Ed. He was pissed, and no one could change that. 'I hope Roy's taking this better than brother is' Al thought as he followed a still stomping Ed back home in silence.

**A/N: Sorry it's kinda short and it took me so long to update! I had a bad case of writers block. I'll, hopefully, most likely, have the next chapter up in a few days because this one and the next one are gonna be short so it shouldn't take me long…hopefully. Oh, and I hope no one took that "women and their clothing" thing personally, because it's true. Most girls take a while to decide what they're gonna wear. And I'm not being sexist; it's impossible to be sexist against your own sex…I think. Anyways, please R&R! Jaa ne!**


	4. Roy's Turmoil

**Dress Up**

**Chapter 4**

Colonel Roy Mustang sat at his desk, looking at, but not really listening to, Hughes rant about the bet incident. He had come back to the office a few minutes after he realized no one was chasing him and it wasn't necessary to run for dear life. Seeing that everyone had gone back to work, he went into Roy's office and immediately started talking as if nothing had happened.

And now here Roy sat, eyes narrowed and twitching and a pissed off look on his face. But Hughes didn't seem to notice any of this as he continued his tirade. He was now saying something about the looks on their faces when they lost, but Roy didn't hear. Hughes' voice was nothing but background noise as Roy thought of different ways to get out of the deal.

'I could say that my girlfriend wouldn't like it. Hughes wouldn't put my relationship on the line for a stupid bet, would he?'

"I just can't wait to see Edward tomorrow! I wonder what he'll wear. Maybe a frilly pink dress. And he could put his hair…"

'No that won't work! Hughes knows that I don't have a girlfriend right now. Damn it! What I'm I gonna do?

"….don't think Ed would get in trouble for cross dressing. It doesn't say anything in the military dress policy about that…"

'I GOT IT! I could send Ed out on a mission! Yes, that's brilliant! That way he wouldn't have to dress like a girl, and I wouldn't have to pretend to be his "boyfriend" in front of everyone! Perfect!

"…good thing I was able to get people to cover for Ed if a mission comes through. That way, he won't have to leave and mess up the bet. And the two of you can live happily ever after!"

'I'll have to make sure to assign him a really long…wait a minute. What did Hughes just say?"

Roy blinked and shook his head to clear his mind. "What was that you just said?" he questioned, interrupting Hughes mid sentence.

Hughes blinked also, arching an eyebrow in momentary confusion. "I've said a lot of things, Roy. I don't know what you're talking about."

"About the missions. What did you say?"

"Oh, I said that I was able to get some people to cover for Ed if anything came up. I mean, if it were something serious, then of course he would have to go. But the amateur stuff he gets all the time can be taken care of by somebody else. That way, you guys can fulfill your end of the deal without interruption." Hughes finished his sentence with an overly cheerful smile and a wink.

"Oh" was all Roy said, all of his formerly made plans going out the window.

"Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes…

'Shit, now what? There is nothing, absolutely nothing to do, but to just….do it.'

Roy sat and thought about this for a while. Everything seemed like it would be easy enough, for himself at least, until his mind conjured up a picture of him and a frilly pink dressed, hair in pigtails Edward, sitting in a park having a picnic and feeding each other food. This picture of his continued on to where it was of them running and laughing through a field of flowers, until Ed trips and comes tumbling down on top of Roy, his lips accidentally landing and Roy's

It took all of Roy's control to not start screaming and pounding his head on the desk. Because surely that would attract attention, and it would be difficult to try and explain his way out of that one. So instead he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

When he opened his eyes, he was looking at Hughes, who was, still, totally oblivious to everything around him, perfectly content sitting on the couch and rambling. That was when the idea struck him. It was cruel, yes, but desperate times called for desperate measures. So slowly, ever so slowly, Roy opened up his desk drawer and, slowly still, pulled out his ignition gloves. He had them half way pulled on his hands when Riza opened the door and stepped into the office. Roy quickly through the gloves back into the drawer and slammed it shut. Riza saluted and walked over to Roy's desk handing him a stack of papers. "More paperwork, sir." Was all she said, then turned and walked out, shutting the door behind her.

Hughes took this time to look up at the clock, surprised at the time. "Wow, time really does fly when you're having fun." He stood up and walked toward the door saying, "I'm gonna head home now, seeing as there's nothing for me to do. Now that you have work to do, I don't wanna stay and distract you. See ya later, Roy. Say hi to the Mrs. for me." Hughes waved as he walked out the door.

Roy growled and snapped his fingers. But only when he didn't see flames shooting toward the now closed door realize that he hadn't put his gloves on. His arm fell to his side as he let his head fall onto the desk and sighed. This was going to be one really long month.

**A/N: Nothin to really say about this chapter. I hoped you liked it, because I actually just make all of this up on the spot. I just sit down at the computer and start typing and I'm never sure where it will lead or how it will turn out. But I think its coming along okay so far, right? Anyways, my family and me are gonna be moving, so please don't get mad if I don't update in a long time. I'll try my best to update soon though! Jaa ne!**


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